Wait...what?!: Random Thoughts of a Bachelor at Year's End

   

        The following thoughts and views reflected in this post are a direct reflection of myself and bachelors alike. The following thoughts were compiled from myself and fellow constituents.

     

    

    The Gym: 

-There will be no resolutions made!

-This membership is a waste. I ain't picking up half of these weights. When am I ever gonna have to pick up anything over 300lbs?!

-"All girls are heavy!"-Bill Bur (Deadweight)

-Gotta do somethin'...nothin funnier than a slim guy, with a big stomach.

-You don't have to be to strong to pull down panties or slap somebody. 

-My pull up game is strong but my fall back game is stronger! *see what I did there?*

-As long as I can look down and see my love below, I'm good!

-As long as I can lift my "person of Interest" ...all is well!

   

    Social Media: 

-Instagram got big! A photo app for the traveler, evolved into a self enhancement tool. Posts range from self improvement memes to expressions of heartache and endless flexing. Flexing is defined by the urbanites as merely "showing off". There's nothing wrong with living a better than sub par lifestyle but apparently there's levels to it right before eyes start to roll and creep into the inevitable "side eye".

-A surplus of selfies can be scary. How many takes were there really?!

-Over use of that filter equal a drop of self hate.

-How do Instagram models get paid?

-Long captions under pics are concerning. 

-Thirst traps are far more entertaining than the post-er would ever know.

-Sliding in your DMs is the way of the future. If I didnt know your name and only saw a pic that your girl had of you and walked up on you, Its kinda like the same thing. ...or nah?

     

    

    The Club: 

-I'll pass. Unless I'm in another state with people that I haven't seen in a long time. Otherwise, it's bar hopping and public intoxication for $200, Alex!

-I never aspired to be the guy lookin' for his next hookup ,at age 30, in a club. Now if it's a live music venue, I'm tryin' to be in the building like gold diggers in the parking lot of the NFL draft.

-Staying current with the music and dances is exhausting. 

-Getting excited about old music and trying to dance to it, is exhausting. 

-You can find me by the bar..until they play some reggae and then I'm grinding ya girl so hard, conception might just take place! Juke Gal!

    

    Bars:

-At this point in my life I've been around the world and done enough things to hold some pretty decent convo. Doesn't mean I'm willing to answer interview questions that were read in a Steve Harvey book. You bout to make me spill my Yac!!!

-I am not hunting, but if there is no ring and I've never shaken the hand of the guy that sickens you, that you are subliminally talking about right before you roll your eyes and sip...Ohhh Im about to diiiiiive iinnnnnnnnn!

-My problem with buying you a drink is the potential to liquor you up to the point that your inhibitions fade into the point where the guy in his sweats that played your life last week gets the "pussy don't fail me now/holla back yungin" 2am ride of his...month.

    

    Dating:

-If it's all about you, we cant do what it do...boo.

-Does the holla back mean I'm a sucker with an open door policy or a guaranteed good time? I'm ok with a lil bit of both. 

-There's always next year.

-Marriage and baby talk  before anything is established throws me off; especially if we're playing Call of Duty. Take a break lady.

-As terrible as you talk about your family, ain't nobody tryin' to meet em.

-Lames will ask you why are you single. Guys who pay attention always know why. 

-If you already have your wedding day, kids names, and living location picked out, why do you need me again?!

-The presence of gentlemen like qualities does not represent an absence or lack of testicular hangage.  #LetDatMarinate

-If you have slept casually with other gents, no need to wait until you meet me to wanna be cleaner than the Pope's piss test.

    

    Sex:

-Too much talk makes a penis collapse like an ethopian child in the summer time. Bruh...

-"....Dont stop!" to you, means "keep going keep doing that and Ill cum soon! To us it means you are doing a great job...cum now, i dont mind!' ...no? ... sorry!

-This head is great but is she plannin on whipping her hands on my sheets? dammit!

-How much longer do we have to pretend to be interested in this movie that Ive seen a million times before we play show and tell for grownups?

-To pull her hair or not to pull her hair...that is the question. 

-So when she says ,"Deeper...!,  and pushes you back does that mean her vagina said,"Yeet!"?

    Booing Up on New Year's Eve:

-It ain't a terrible idea...Unless its a terrible idea.

- I feel like there's a lot of pressure put on us dealing with the New Year's kiss aka Kickin the New Year Off Right!. 

-At this age, I don't feel the need to be making "O" faces when the ball drops. 

-Making "O" faces prior to and forgetting about the ball dropping is another thing. #iAintShit

-Sex with a stranger is a feet only accomplished by a hand full of my military counterparts and unhappily married people. I have yet to accomplish it. well maybe once but that's a short story not worth telling.

    

    Most of these thoughts will continue to go unsaid for the preservation of good. No wars will begin because of this silence. Im sure the tea has yet to truly be spilled.

...Thoughts?